too bad you live with your parents still
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
