You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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