Banned from zoo.
Again?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
