It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize