I want to have your abortion
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
