I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
