watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
