Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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