watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
