her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
