I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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