What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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