Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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