I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
