In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize