he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Pants are for mortals
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
