I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I have already put on my inside pants.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
