Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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