i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
