Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize