Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
