I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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