If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize