He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
