also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
