The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
