I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
