all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
