Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
