the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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