Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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