your parents love me but you hate me
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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