Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize