I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
