ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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