It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
