So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
