Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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