i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
im holly from the hills drunk
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
