it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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