This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Randomize
