Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
