You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
