I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
