Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
