I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
