this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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