Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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