how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
