Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We had to coat check the pizza.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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