so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
