What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
