Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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