I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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