the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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