So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
