Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
How many fucks given?
0.12846
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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