I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
