I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize