either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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