I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
