I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
