so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
