I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
