If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
