if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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