Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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