When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
