Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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