Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
