Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
