I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
