she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
