yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
