That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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