I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
