Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize